Getting Married! Will be Back in October!

I've been waiting for this moment for a long time.

As I am waiting for my delayed flight to Milwaukee, where my wedding will take place, I decided to update my blog and share some brief reflections on my upcoming marriage.

God willing, on September 12, I will be getting married with a wonderful woman! She is all I've ever dreamed and hoped. To say that I am excited about marrying her is an understatement.

One reflection I have at this moment: my fears of being "ready" or "mature enough" for marriage seems to have given way to a joyful excitement.

This is not to say that I'm haughtily declaring myself ready or mature. I still feel the weight and urgency of needed growth in every step that I take.

I'm going into marriage with the sense that I'm starting a journey, and not simply arriving at a destination. Marriage, with the right mindset, can be a tool that could bring exponential growth to our lives.

I am receiving her as a gift of grace, and not because I deserve her or not.

I still have much  growth to do, and I'm not planning on resting on my laurels right after getting married. It is my prayer and expectation that God will use my marriage as a tool for growth and maturity. It is also my hope that God will use our marriage for the Kingdom of God.

After getting married on September 12, we will be on our honeymoon for a couple of weeks.

Because of this, I will not be writing on this blog for about a month, and I should be back in October, a married man!

Please pray for me and my fiance as we embark on this new journey and adventure!

Until then.

Communion Table: A Place of Unity & Healing, Not Division & Hurt

Photo by Jonathan Aquino.

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him." Psalm 34:8.

My fiance and I were attending mass on a weekday in an old, dark and Gothic Catholic Church. It was time to receive communion and as we stood up, I shared in whispers with my fiance my doubts about taking communion - my conscience was not in complete peace at the moment.

A lady in front of me suddenly turned and asked me with a stern face "Are you Catholic?!" I felt hurt. I felt judged. I felt my faith and commitment questioned. 

Of course, she probably was asking me this after hearing my hesitant whispers to my fiance, because in her pious devotion to the Eucharist, she wanted to make sure that only Roman Catholics partake of the Body and Blood.

The Eucharistic Table Should be a Place of Unity & Healing

I believe in the Real Presence. I believe that Jesus offers Himself to us at the Eucharistic table, and when we partake of the bread and wine, we are partaking of the Body and Blood of Christ.

One of the most beautiful aspect of Eucharistic theology is the notion that we are not only communing with Christ Himself, but also with the people around the table. This common union, or communion, is one of the main reasons we come to the Eucharistic table.

The other main reason, of course, is to receive and feed on Christ. In receiving Christ we receive many nourishing graces, including our continuing healing.

The current practice of closed communion in the Catholic Church, where only good standing members of the Church in full communion with Rome are welcomed to come to the table, is one that brings division and hurt, and thus it accomplishes the opposite of what the Sacrament signifies.

I know I'm not the only who's been hurt by this practice.

I have read the reasons behind close communion, but as with any other matter of Christian living and practice, we should look for Jesus as our ultimate model.

Jesus Shares the Last Supper with  His Disciples - Including Judas Iscariot

Jesus shared His Body and Blood with Judas Iscariot moments before He was betrayed by him. Jesus knew this, as He knew Judas' heart, and He still chose freely to share Himself with him.

We can only imagine why Jesus chose to do this. Maybe He thought that Judas could still find healing. Maybe His decision to share Himself with someone who would soon betray Him is another sign of His unconditional love. Whatever the reason, the fact that He shared Himself with Judas flies in the face of one of the main reasons Roman Catholics close communion to non-Catholics.

If it is true that in sharing communion with others we are declaring a unity predicated on uniformity of beliefs and practices, then Judas should not have taken communion.

Not only that, but it is unlikely that the rest of the disciples comprehended fully what what's happening in front of them. They hardly knew the depth and power of the mystery being shared with them. 

Having the first Eucharist as our model, it is hard to defend the notion that uniformity of belief is a pre-requisite for unity, since not only the disciples had different views on Jesus, but also, they hardly understood what was happening in front of their eyes!

Are we safeguarding communion for the fortunate few who are healthy enough in their walk with God? Could we be keeping communion from those who need it the most?

I thought only the sick were in need of a physician.

If People Want to Receive Christ, Who am I to Prevent It?

We cannot force Christ on others. We can only invite people into communion with Christ.

We should also not force others from receiving Christ. The Eucharistic table should be open, therefore, for those who want to receive Christ. 

Our privilege is to invite others to Christ, not to decide who receives Him or not.

Reflections on Turning 30

On August 25th, I turned 30 years old.

On my birthday, different people asked me the same question: "do you feel different now that you are 30?" I was surprised that I answered "yes, I do". I always thought I'd answer "nah, I feel the same way than I did yesterday when I was 29."

In reality I felt different. Way different.

A Sudden Mental Shift
The first person to ask me this question was my fiance. When she asked me the this, I became aware of a sudden mental shift. I didn't feel different physically, but mentally I experienced a kairos moment, where the weight of my age suddenly became real.

With this realization came the sense that I really need to step up my game, rely less and less on convenient excuses (even valid ones) and do my best to shape up.

Holy Crap I thought I am 30 years old now, my age is no longer an excuse.

I didn't think myself especially flaky or unreliable, but I always left many areas of growth to the tyranny of the future, making the unconscious (and sometimes not so unconscious) excuse that I was young, and that I will always have time to shape up in the future.

Of course, no one knows how much time the future will grant to us, and even if we do, the future never really comes. Why leave growth for tomorrow when it is only possible today?

My Past and Future Legacy
My mind started to flow with thoughts of what I've done in my past 30 years. These thoughts created a mixed bag of contradicting emotions. At times I felt disillusioned and at others proud.

I seem to be an incurable idealist. As I have shared in past posts, I've always felt called to do great things.

In my idealist mind I feel that I should have accomplished a lot more than I have. I feel a sense of grief for all the days, weeks and years that seemed to easily escape me. I grieve the days where I simply decided to stay comfortable.

It is a terrible feeling to know you will never get back all those precious moments.

My mind also started to flow with thoughts of what I will do in my next 30 years. I have this sense of urgency, a sense that life is shorter than I actually thought, and that in order to accomplish more with my life, I simply needed to stay uncomfortable.

We want to do great things but we seldom want to build the character that this call requires.

What will our Legacy Be?
If you are not 30 yet and you are reading this post, I believe you can still benefit from these reflections.

No matter our age, it is still possible to learn from other's people reflections and experiences. You don't need to wait until you are 30 in order to finally have a sense of clear purpose.

Life is much shorter than what they tell you.

Life is not simply to be enjoyed but to be experienced. We hide many excuses from this mantra of "enjoying life." Can we say that Jesus, our ultimate model, came to earth to enjoy His life? If we can't claim that for Himself how can we claim it for ourselves?

It is certainly good to enjoy life. It is idolatrous to make enjoyment of one's life our main purpose.

We need to move from inspiration to sacrifice, for inspiration is empty unless it is accompanied by the deep sustenance of self denial.

Don't give up your lofty ideals to the merciless cry of reality. Having a reality check is healthy, but more time needs to be spent in conforming your reality to your ideals than the other way around.

And finally, don't ever get tired of asking yourself this question, what legacy will my present actions bring to my future events?

Art and The Kingdom of God

We are made in God's image.

We have heard this countless times, but what does it really mean? I think it means many things, and that this phrase is actually a deep well of truth from which we can draw out many interpretations.

One way I look at this image-bearing is our capacity to imitate the Creator by creating. When God created the heaven and the earth he declared it "very good." Ephesians 2:10 tells us that we are God's "workmanship," from the Greek word poeima, from which we derive the word "poem" in English. God's workmanship is so beautiful that it inspired our modern English word for "poem." Think about that for a minute.

To most of us, the overwhelming beauty of creation is undeniable. God is an artist. God's meticulous work of art is displayed lavishly in nature, animals, and humans. Art is sacred, artistry a sacrament. We are God's living art pieces.

We are endowed with God's beauty. The whole of creation proclaims God's beauty and glory. What we see reflected in us and in all created things is merely a reflection of God's beauty. We catch a glimpse of this Beauty of beauties whenever we contemplate a sunset, the graceful strides of a gazelle, or the beauty of the human body.

We are beautiful because He is beautiful. We are glorious because He is glorious. As the psalmist proclaims, we are "fearfully and wonderfully made."

When artists create art they are imitating God. I believe this is part of what it means to be created in God's image.

Our Call to Create
We are called to create things that are "very good." We are called to reflect God's beauty to the world in our everyday work. Whatever we are called to do, whether it is sweeping the streets, working behind the desk in an office, or writing a striking musical piece, we are called to create art.

Unfortunately, many of us, including many followers of Jesus, have lost sight of this calling.

This struck me as I was listening to Mozart's requiem. To think that this sort of musical masterpiece could be used for liturgy was mind blowing. To compare Mozart's requiem to what passes as Christian music when you tune in to your local Christian radio is certainly discouraging.

The way the Christian music industry imitates it's capitalist counterpart, secular media, where catchy and recycled lyrics rule the radio waves, instead of imitating God's beautiful creation is certainly a tragic miss of our calling as artists.

What we hear during worship on Sundays is very different from what Mozart and Beethoven created. I'm not suggesting that we ditch contemporary worship in favor of classical music in our liturgies. What I am suggesting is that whatever we do, especially for God's Kingdom, must express Kingdom values, not capitalistic ones.

Mozart's requiem and Beethoven's missa solemnis are enjoyed and their beauty is recognized by many people, Christians and non-Christians alike. They intuit the Workmanship that these artists invested in their masterpieces, and their beauty is discernible to all.

On the other hand, a non-Christian who listens to the Top-40 hits on our local Christian station can find the experience distressing.

It is time for us followers of Jesus to regain our rightful place as artists, and start walking into those good works that God prepared beforehand for us, as Ephesians 2:10 encourages us to do.

Photo by Lawrence OP

Our Workmanship Should Reflect the Kingdom's Values
As both artists and followers of Jesus, however, we should make sure that our art reflects the Kingdom's values.

The art we create must be available to all, especially to the poor and disenfranchised. Art is human, and should not be reserved to a niche group of people who feel entitled and educated enough to appreciate it. This means that its beauty should be accessible and discernible to all, unlike many modern pieces that, while artful, feel inaccessible because of their abstractness and even bizarreness.

Also, the art we create must reflect the humility of the artist. This is another aspect of accessibility. I have noticed in our culture that educated and artistically-inclined people are filled with the obnoxious air of pompous snobbery. From the face of disgust when you ask a barista in the local artisan coffee shop for a "decaf" to the haughtiness of the well-dressed businessman sharing an elevator ride with someone wearing dress pants and tennis shoes. All of these attitudes should be avoided in the character and art of the follower of Jesus, however educated and tasteful he or she considers themselves to be.

Finally, the art must reflect God's beauty. Look at creation - it is overflowing with beauty. While anger and sadness can be expressed in art, even "negative" emotions must reflect the beauty that is in the created order. Christian art should not be used as many instances of modern art are: for simple shock value, in which an artistic work is purposefully ungraceful and terrifying just for the sake of controversy.

Would you agree with this criteria? Would you add any other value? Please share in the comments below!

Gentrification, Social Justice and Incarnational Ministry

My fiancé and I have been a little bit stressed out lately.

It's not just the wedding planning, which for the most part we have found enjoyable. It's not just that we have a lot of things to juggle on top of that, like a part time job and a growing ministry.

It's not just any one of those things. No, our single, most stressful thing at this moment is dealing with gentrification, especially as we are starting to look for a place to live together.

The Bay Area is ground zero for the issue of gentrification. Housing costs are rising to ridiculous heights, with San Francisco being the most outrageous. It is not unusual for a 2 bedroom apartment in the used-to-be-latino neighborhood of The Mission to go for $4,500 a month.

We now live and do ministry in East Oakland among the immigrant population. Our neighborhood has been a somewhat affordable place to live. I started to see signs of gentrification in this neighborhood three years ago. At that moment, I thought, it would take a lot to gentrify this place. Now I realize I was mistaken.

Rent prices are going crazy high here. A 2 bedroom apartment used to cost around $1,000 3 years ago. Today, the two most recent ones we saw were $1,700 and $2,000. This is way out of our budget as missionaries.

I was supposed to move out of my place in August. In order to do that, I'd need to find an affordable place in East Oakland in one week.

The Advantages and Disadvantages of Incarnational Ministry
My fiancé and I belong to InnerCHANGE, a missionary order among the poor. We adhere to a philosophy of ministry called incarnational ministry, which pretty much means we live among the community we serve.

This sounds like a romantic ideal of ministry, but in practice, it is anything but romantic.

Incarnational ministry means that you are limiting your options of where to live. Friends and family often ask me "why don't you look in this area? Rent is cheaper and more available there". My explanation that, I choose to live here because of ministry, doesn't really seem to clarify matters.

It also means that it limits the lifestyle that you can have. In InnerCHANGE, we take a commitment of simplicity, where our incomes are comparable to those of our neighbors.

All of this can take a lot of sacrifice, but it is a great way to do ministry. With Incarnational ministry, our lives become ministry.

Incarnational ministry also help us to share in the sufferings and disadvantages that people on the margins suffer. I no longer have the luxury of seeing the injustices done to them from a distance. Their injustices often become our injustices. Their pain often becomes our pain.

Gentrification is no longer an abstract idea of injustice. It is no longer something we can relate to and be angry intellectually, from the safe distances of ideas and imagination.

Gentrification is now our issue. We are feeling the invisible and yet tangible forces that are trying to push us out. We now know what it feels like to be wanted away, to be asked indirectly and yet deliberately to leave and make space for someone with more resources.

We feel angry.

Gentrification is now personal, and the next time you see me in a rally, a city council meeting, or a vigil in East Oakland, you'll know that I'm fighting not just for the needs of the poor, but also for my own needs.

May you join me in this struggle.

The Episcopal Church Welcomes...Me? 4 Questions to Episcopal/Anglicans Before I Convert!

Update: Thanks to all of those who offered me answers to these questions! As I wrote on this post, I have decided to stay in the Roman Catholic Church. Thank you for all your help in my discernment.

As part of my discernment process of whether to join the Anglican communion or not, I have done extensive research over its many issues, and more specifically, into the perceived issues of the Episcopal Church.

Some of the research has been encouraging, and some of it, to be honest, deeply troubling.

For this reason, I'd like to ask these 4 questions to people who belong to the Episcopal Church, or to members of ACNA, or any other Anglican body. I apologize in advance if any of these questions sound offensive. I'm just reacting to the wildly contradicting and varied opinions I hear about the Episcopal church, and it is difficult at this time to separate fact from fiction.

The 4 questions are...

1) Would I be mocked, dissuaded, or discouraged if I hold to my creedal orthodoxy?
I affirm the Nicene Creed. I believe that there is one Triune God, that Jesus died for my sins, that his death has atoning power, that He really rose bodily from the dead, and that He really will return again.

Would I be welcomed and encouraged in my beliefs? Would I find myself at home with these beliefs in the Episcopal church, or will my faith be mocked as fundamentalist and not in with the times?

2)Would I be welcomed with my Marian devotion and  my devotion to the saints?
If I am not  part of an Anglo-Catholic congregation, would I still be welcomed at the table?

3) Would I find a community that is committed to following Christ in a multi-religious society, instead of being encouraged to follow Christ with a multi-religious spirituality?
I am looking for a Christ-centric church. I heard stories of clergy in the Episcopal church reading from other religious texts and performing religious practices of other religions. While this is not necessarily a bad thing, it does seem a step too close to religious relativism.

Is this a normal occurrence? Can I expect to find a Christ-centric congregation or would I be discouraged in my single minded pursuit of Christ with ad-hominems like close-mindedness?

4) Finally, would I be welcomed if I consider social justice important but not the end point of Christian discipleship?
Is it OK if I believe that social justice is an important aspect of Christian discipleship, but not the most important aspect of it?


Again, I Apologize if these Questions Sound Offensive!
These questions are not intended to disrespect people's belief, or to make assumptions on the Episcopal church. If anything, it is to clarify what could become assumptions. These are questions that are being raised in my mind from the research I made on the the Episcopal church.

I'm simply  giving people who are in the Episcopal church an opportunity to clarify these issues.

Also, if you think that my beliefs and values expressed above are not a good fit with the Episcopal church, then please tell me so! This would help me greatly in my discernment process as I find a place to be and grow in Christ!

Thank you in advance!

Why I Still Pray to Mary (and Other Saints)

It is no secret for readers of this blog that I am currently going through a painful and disconcerting discernment process of whether to stay with the Roman Catholic Church or join the Anglican Church.

This does not mean, however, that I don't have any spiritual practices that are considered "Catholic". Quite the opposite: I still find a lot of nourishment from many Catholic practices, from Eucharistic Benediction to prayers to the Saints.

Why Pray to the Virgin Mary When You Can Go Straight To Jesus?

I get asked this question a lot from my protestant brothers and sisters. At face value, this question makes a lot of sense. Why bother to go through an indirect route when you can have direct access to the Master?

This question, however, ignores the fact that prayer is also a communal practice, not just an individual practice between you and God.

The same question can be asked to the protestant who asks his or her friends to pray for a specially difficult or troubling circumstance. We see this practice as something natural. Indeed, many of us encourage this practice.

Individual prayer is powerful, but there is something amazingly powerful when a community gathers around and are united in prayer.

Our faith is not born and nourished in a bubble but it was taught to us in community. This community has a direct and spiritual connection to that great cloud of witnesses that goes back to the Apostles.

I just happen to believe that Mary and all the Saints are active members of my community, and that they are participants of the new life in Christ, since God is a God of the living and not of the dead.

When I pray to Mary, or to any saint for that matter, I am declaring that I'm also part of this greater community whose faith I inherited, and in doing so, I am asking them for prayers on my behalf.

I Also Pray to Mary When I Need Counsel & Comfort

Don't get me wrong, I also pray to Jesus and receive from Him counsel and comfort.

There are moments, however, when I pray to God and I feel dry. There are moments where I feel God is distant in my prayers. There are moments when prayer is not passionate and pious, but dry and monotonous.

We all have experienced this desert. We all have gone through this dark night of the soul.

I recently went through a brief period of dryness in my prayer life with God. I prayed and felt no connection. At some point I felt helpless and alone. I even felt like God was rejecting me.

At one point I got the sense that I should pray to Mary, asking for her counsel and comfort.

I did, and I felt this powerful and moving connection with her. I told her all my struggles. I told her to please pray for me. Immediately, this sense of darkness left me. I felt comforted by her. I felt the assurances of her prayers.

I understand this might be scandalizing to some of you, but I see it no different than going to a close friend during troubling and dry periods of faith, and receiving counsel and comfort from them.

I Encourage you to Try It!

I am not asking you to worship Mary or the Saints, but just ask for their intercessions! This is an ancient practice that can be traced back to the Early Church Fathers, and it is one that nourished me and even gotten me through some dry periods in my spirituality.

Holy Mother of God, pray for us, now and at the hour of our death! Amen.