On my birthday, different people asked me the same question: "do you feel different now that you are 30?" I was surprised that I answered "yes, I do". I always thought I'd answer "nah, I feel the same way than I did yesterday when I was 29."
In reality I felt different. Way different.
A Sudden Mental Shift
The first person to ask me this question was my fiance. When she asked me the this, I became aware of a sudden mental shift. I didn't feel different physically, but mentally I experienced a kairos moment, where the weight of my age suddenly became real.
With this realization came the sense that I really need to step up my game, rely less and less on convenient excuses (even valid ones) and do my best to shape up.
Holy Crap I thought I am 30 years old now, my age is no longer an excuse.
I didn't think myself especially flaky or unreliable, but I always left many areas of growth to the tyranny of the future, making the unconscious (and sometimes not so unconscious) excuse that I was young, and that I will always have time to shape up in the future.
Of course, no one knows how much time the future will grant to us, and even if we do, the future never really comes. Why leave growth for tomorrow when it is only possible today?
My Past and Future Legacy
My mind started to flow with thoughts of what I've done in my past 30 years. These thoughts created a mixed bag of contradicting emotions. At times I felt disillusioned and at others proud.
I seem to be an incurable idealist. As I have shared in past posts, I've always felt called to do great things.
In my idealist mind I feel that I should have accomplished a lot more than I have. I feel a sense of grief for all the days, weeks and years that seemed to easily escape me. I grieve the days where I simply decided to stay comfortable.
It is a terrible feeling to know you will never get back all those precious moments.
My mind also started to flow with thoughts of what I will do in my next 30 years. I have this sense of urgency, a sense that life is shorter than I actually thought, and that in order to accomplish more with my life, I simply needed to stay uncomfortable.
We want to do great things but we seldom want to build the character that this call requires.
What will our Legacy Be?
If you are not 30 yet and you are reading this post, I believe you can still benefit from these reflections.
No matter our age, it is still possible to learn from other's people reflections and experiences. You don't need to wait until you are 30 in order to finally have a sense of clear purpose.
Life is much shorter than what they tell you.
Life is not simply to be enjoyed but to be experienced. We hide many excuses from this mantra of "enjoying life." Can we say that Jesus, our ultimate model, came to earth to enjoy His life? If we can't claim that for Himself how can we claim it for ourselves?
It is certainly good to enjoy life. It is idolatrous to make enjoyment of one's life our main purpose.
We need to move from inspiration to sacrifice, for inspiration is empty unless it is accompanied by the deep sustenance of self denial.
Don't give up your lofty ideals to the merciless cry of reality. Having a reality check is healthy, but more time needs to be spent in conforming your reality to your ideals than the other way around.
And finally, don't ever get tired of asking yourself this question, what legacy will my present actions bring to my future events?
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