The Importance of Community: Why I Have Decided to Stay Roman Catholic

As many of you know, for the past 3 years I have been in discernment of whether to leave the Roman Catholic Church for the Anglican Communion.

As of this moment, I can say that I feel at peace about staying in the Catholic Church.

This doesn't mean, however, that I still don't have the same disagreements that I expressed in the past. It doesn't mean that those disagreements are not important to me anymore. What it does mean is that, at the present moment, I don't feel like these disagreements are enough for me to leave the Roman Catholic Church.

Why Not?
One of the main reasons why I decided to stay is the fact that the church is more than a simple institution I belong to. The Roman Catholic Church is more than just a club that I can easily drop membership to if it no longer fit my ideas.

The Church, above all of that, is a community. And I love this community.

Jesus call us to community, and this community requires a commitment that is nurtured through love and respect. When Jesus says that "my mother and my brother are those who hear the word of God and do it" (Luke 8:21) I believe He is putting a high level of commitment to His community.

When I grew up with my family, I didn't agree with all the rules of the house. I didn't agree with how everything was managed. I don't think there is anyone on this earth who can say that they did.

But I love my family, and it is that love that has kept me a member of the family to this day.

And so it is with my community of faith, the Roman Catholic Church. The fact that I don't agree with everything that is going on with it doesn't even begin to detract from the fact that I love this community. I love many of its traditions and wisdom, and I am willing to be under it out of love.

This love also encourages me to take a second look at its rules and regulations, and while I'm not saying that I will blindly follow them, I will respect them out of love and respect for the community.

When you live under the same roof with your family and/or community, you are bound to find house rules. These rules have helped the community in many ways. You may not agree with each and every single one of them, but once you decide to stay, and once you love this community, you respect its rules not from a simple sense of obligation, but by the freedom that this loves gives.

Individualism & Yelp Reviews of Churches
I believe that our desire to find a church that can satisfy our ideals and our niches is just a symptom of our emphasis on individualism. We church shop as if we are choosing our internet provider.

In an individualistic society, you are encouraged to fulfill your own dreams and ideals, and this can transfer over the way we do church.

Church, however, is not a place where we can have our needs met, a place where we worship alongside people who share our ideals.

Church is not a group of individuals, each looking for their often conflicting fulfillment of goals and ideals. If this is your idea of church then you will be sorely disappointed.

The Church is a community. In this community you come not to get something for your fulfillment, but you come to give yourself and your gifts, and to receive nourishment and support from the gifts of others. In this community, you come not so you can achieve your personal goals, but to love and serve.

In this community you come not just to nurture and build your individual body, but to nurture and build (or better said become) the body of Christ.

Communion Table: A Place of Unity & Healing, Not Division & Hurt

Photo by Jonathan Aquino.

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him." Psalm 34:8.

My fiance and I were attending mass on a weekday in an old, dark and Gothic Catholic Church. It was time to receive communion and as we stood up, I shared in whispers with my fiance my doubts about taking communion - my conscience was not in complete peace at the moment.

A lady in front of me suddenly turned and asked me with a stern face "Are you Catholic?!" I felt hurt. I felt judged. I felt my faith and commitment questioned. 

Of course, she probably was asking me this after hearing my hesitant whispers to my fiance, because in her pious devotion to the Eucharist, she wanted to make sure that only Roman Catholics partake of the Body and Blood.

The Eucharistic Table Should be a Place of Unity & Healing

I believe in the Real Presence. I believe that Jesus offers Himself to us at the Eucharistic table, and when we partake of the bread and wine, we are partaking of the Body and Blood of Christ.

One of the most beautiful aspect of Eucharistic theology is the notion that we are not only communing with Christ Himself, but also with the people around the table. This common union, or communion, is one of the main reasons we come to the Eucharistic table.

The other main reason, of course, is to receive and feed on Christ. In receiving Christ we receive many nourishing graces, including our continuing healing.

The current practice of closed communion in the Catholic Church, where only good standing members of the Church in full communion with Rome are welcomed to come to the table, is one that brings division and hurt, and thus it accomplishes the opposite of what the Sacrament signifies.

I know I'm not the only who's been hurt by this practice.

I have read the reasons behind close communion, but as with any other matter of Christian living and practice, we should look for Jesus as our ultimate model.

Jesus Shares the Last Supper with  His Disciples - Including Judas Iscariot

Jesus shared His Body and Blood with Judas Iscariot moments before He was betrayed by him. Jesus knew this, as He knew Judas' heart, and He still chose freely to share Himself with him.

We can only imagine why Jesus chose to do this. Maybe He thought that Judas could still find healing. Maybe His decision to share Himself with someone who would soon betray Him is another sign of His unconditional love. Whatever the reason, the fact that He shared Himself with Judas flies in the face of one of the main reasons Roman Catholics close communion to non-Catholics.

If it is true that in sharing communion with others we are declaring a unity predicated on uniformity of beliefs and practices, then Judas should not have taken communion.

Not only that, but it is unlikely that the rest of the disciples comprehended fully what what's happening in front of them. They hardly knew the depth and power of the mystery being shared with them. 

Having the first Eucharist as our model, it is hard to defend the notion that uniformity of belief is a pre-requisite for unity, since not only the disciples had different views on Jesus, but also, they hardly understood what was happening in front of their eyes!

Are we safeguarding communion for the fortunate few who are healthy enough in their walk with God? Could we be keeping communion from those who need it the most?

I thought only the sick were in need of a physician.

If People Want to Receive Christ, Who am I to Prevent It?

We cannot force Christ on others. We can only invite people into communion with Christ.

We should also not force others from receiving Christ. The Eucharistic table should be open, therefore, for those who want to receive Christ. 

Our privilege is to invite others to Christ, not to decide who receives Him or not.

Why I Still Pray to Mary (and Other Saints)

It is no secret for readers of this blog that I am currently going through a painful and disconcerting discernment process of whether to stay with the Roman Catholic Church or join the Anglican Church.

This does not mean, however, that I don't have any spiritual practices that are considered "Catholic". Quite the opposite: I still find a lot of nourishment from many Catholic practices, from Eucharistic Benediction to prayers to the Saints.

Why Pray to the Virgin Mary When You Can Go Straight To Jesus?

I get asked this question a lot from my protestant brothers and sisters. At face value, this question makes a lot of sense. Why bother to go through an indirect route when you can have direct access to the Master?

This question, however, ignores the fact that prayer is also a communal practice, not just an individual practice between you and God.

The same question can be asked to the protestant who asks his or her friends to pray for a specially difficult or troubling circumstance. We see this practice as something natural. Indeed, many of us encourage this practice.

Individual prayer is powerful, but there is something amazingly powerful when a community gathers around and are united in prayer.

Our faith is not born and nourished in a bubble but it was taught to us in community. This community has a direct and spiritual connection to that great cloud of witnesses that goes back to the Apostles.

I just happen to believe that Mary and all the Saints are active members of my community, and that they are participants of the new life in Christ, since God is a God of the living and not of the dead.

When I pray to Mary, or to any saint for that matter, I am declaring that I'm also part of this greater community whose faith I inherited, and in doing so, I am asking them for prayers on my behalf.

I Also Pray to Mary When I Need Counsel & Comfort

Don't get me wrong, I also pray to Jesus and receive from Him counsel and comfort.

There are moments, however, when I pray to God and I feel dry. There are moments where I feel God is distant in my prayers. There are moments when prayer is not passionate and pious, but dry and monotonous.

We all have experienced this desert. We all have gone through this dark night of the soul.

I recently went through a brief period of dryness in my prayer life with God. I prayed and felt no connection. At some point I felt helpless and alone. I even felt like God was rejecting me.

At one point I got the sense that I should pray to Mary, asking for her counsel and comfort.

I did, and I felt this powerful and moving connection with her. I told her all my struggles. I told her to please pray for me. Immediately, this sense of darkness left me. I felt comforted by her. I felt the assurances of her prayers.

I understand this might be scandalizing to some of you, but I see it no different than going to a close friend during troubling and dry periods of faith, and receiving counsel and comfort from them.

I Encourage you to Try It!

I am not asking you to worship Mary or the Saints, but just ask for their intercessions! This is an ancient practice that can be traced back to the Early Church Fathers, and it is one that nourished me and even gotten me through some dry periods in my spirituality.

Holy Mother of God, pray for us, now and at the hour of our death! Amen.

The Empire of the Church

"I love your Christ, but I dislike your Christianity"

This quote, usually attributed to Mahatma Ghandi, captures what is perhaps the biggest problem plaguing Christianity.

Ask any outsider of the faith what's the first thing that comes to mind when they think of Christians and they would be quick to tell you: homophobic, hypocrites, bigots, judgmental, self-righteous, anti-women, etc...

Might as well be describing a Pharisee!

Ask them what they think about Jesus, and you most likely get different answers.

How Did We Get Here?
I love reading about early Christians and the radicality that literally changed the world around them. Their upside down ways went in complete contradiction with the powers that be, and in their fight against these powers there was no other weapon or guns used against them, other than sacrificial love.

Early Christians were radical and puzzling to the outside world. Their declaration that "Jesus is Lord" went in direct contradiction with the world's declaration that "Caesar is Lord".

And then...Christianity became an Empire.

I won't go into much detail of how this came to be, but suffice it to say that Christianity became so intertwined with the Roman Empire that to be a Christian was to be tantamount to being part of the Empire.

This unlikely marriage brought about the institutionalization of Christianity, and becoming Christian became part of living in the Empire, and not necessarily living in Christ.

As all Empires, this Christian Empire was and still is more preoccupied with the care of itself rather than the care of its people.

We still see this in Christianity. I can give 2 examples of my own church, the Roman Catholic Church.

One is the fact that we have closed communion. If you are not part of the institution of the Roman Catholic Church, you are not allowed to partake of the Body and Blood of Christ.

Do you believe in Jesus? Well, that's awesome, but it is not enough to bring us to our table. Wait, you even believe in the Real Presence in the Eucharist? Oh man, I wish you can come and partake with me, but sorry. Wait?! You even believe in Transubstantiation?! You should come to RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) classes, and maybe in a year, you can finally take communion with us!

The example given above goes to show, that even in the extreme case that a believer were in complete agreement with what the Roman Catholic Church teaches on the Eucharist, if he or she is not a member of the institution of the Roman Catholic Church, then he or she is not welcomed to partake of the Eucharist.

It is obvious then, that membership in the institution is more important than being part of the body of Christ. If you can't see how UnChrist like this is, then I don't know what else is!

The other is some letters of Bishops and Cardinals that shows how the Roman Catholic Church dealt with the sexual abuse scandal that plagues the Church. These dealings, and the constant moving of accused clergy to different churches, show how the Church was more preoccupied with taking care of itself instead of the people they pledge to serve.

All institutions of Empire seek their self-protection first, even at the expense of the flock,

They remind of the hired hand that Jesus mentions in John 10, and how they run away when the wolf comes and scatters and devours the sheep! They offer the sheep as sacrifice to save themselves and the institution, instead of imitating the Good Shepperd who lays down their lives for the sheep.

If you can't see how UnChrist like this is, then I don't know what else is.

The Answer? Jesus
When I read the Gospels, I cannot help but being filled with love for Jesus. He is just amazing, beautiful and welcoming.

I am not afraid of Him. Something about Him attracts me to the core. There is no one else that has shown me the face of God as faithfully as He has. In Him I see the Father, and when I behold His face, I behold the face of the Father.

He is beyond all else that is. Beyond all institutions, and all who desire can partake of His Flesh and Blood.

Institutions can burn people. They can scare people away from Him.

Here is the Good News: Christ is not the institutions. Sure, He can use the institutions, but then again He can use anyone!

To know Him is to love Him, for He is Love Incarnated. God came and became man. As crazy as that sounds, I believe it really happened!

God came and became one of us, took on our weak flesh and walked the earth. He moved in into our neighborhood. When He saw us, He decided to hang out not with the rich and powerful, but He hanged out with the poor and the oppressed. The marginalized and rejected.

He taught us. He chose us how to live and love others. Even to bless and pray for our persecutors!

And then we killed Him. He was too much for us. We wanted a powerful show of God's mighty power, and our addiction to power and violence demanded Him to smite our enemies. He refused, and we killed Him.

Our sinful violence killed Him. And as we pierced His side, He forgave us! We don't know what we are doing, He told us. Indeed, we didn't. And the blood, His beautiful blood, as it fell on our hands, instead of imputing guilt, it forgave us and redeemed us. Crazy, I know!

The day God died, darkness filled the sky. Our Evil won. We got our way.

3 days later, while the dawn was slowly birthing its light over a cold night, death got tired of holding Him. We tried to kill life but death ran away from Him, like darkness runs away from light!

And He rose. He really did! Not metaphorically, no. He bodily rose from the grave! We could even touch His scars, the living memories of His suffering. The pain that we caused Him left a mark in Him, and He came back not kill us in revenge, but instead to breathe new life in us! He told us "Peace be with you, receive the Holy Spirit". And as He breathed a second creation breath in us, we were born again.

This is the Gospel, the faith we have inherited. Christ has died, Christ is Risen. Christ will come again.

And this is the Christ that we are called to be as well. As many of us know, "Christians" means "little Christs". We are called to be Christ to the world. What we are at this moment is some adulterous union of Christianity with Phariseeism.

Institutions are not inherently evil, and to a certain extent necessary. We need the institutional church because we need a framework and system so that our handing over of the faith can continue once we are gone.

We need the Institutional church, yes, but this church must be submissive to the Church, the body of Christ, because the institutional church was created for the Body, and not the Body for the church.

Belonging to the Body comes first, the IC (Institutional Church) comes to the service of the Body.

I believe this is what Paul meant in 1 Corinthians 1:12, when the church in Corinth used to say "I follow Apollo" or "I follow Paul". Then Paul answers "Has Christ been divided?...Or were you baptized in the name of Paul?"

We need a new vision of the IC, one where the marriage with Empire is dissolved. We need one that doesn't require uncompromising devotion to the IC but to the Body, who is us and Christ Himself.

For we are baptized in the name of Christ, and not in the name of the Catholic Church, Presbyterianism, Martin Luther or non-denominational Protentatism.

Anglicanism? Why I've been Thinking of Leaving Roman Catholicism.

Update: Since I've wrote this post, and after much prayer and consideration, I have decided to stay in the Roman Catholic Church. It has been a long and painful journey, but I am joyful to find a place I can call home. You can read here my reasons for staying in the church.

For the past 2 years I have embarked on a journey that has been both painful and exciting. I have been thinking, praying and exploring other expressions of my Catholic faith that are not exclusively "Roman" Catholic.

In this process, I have deepened in my Catholic faith, but my disenchantment with Roman Catholicism continues to grow.

I have been exploring other streams of Catholicism and the most attractive one at this point is Anglicanism.

But before we go into Anglicanism, let's talk about what I mean by Catholicism.

Some people use Catholicism and Roman Catholicism interchangeably, as if the Church of Rome had a monopoly on Catholicism. Sorry to burst your bubble, but this is not the case.

Catholic means "universal". To be a Catholic is to affirm the 4 Ecumenical Creeds. To be Catholic is to have a faith that has apostolicity and a direct connection with the succession lines of the Apostles. To be Catholic is to have the Eucharist as the center of our worship.

Under this category, there are many streams of Christianity that are Catholic.

In fact, many protestants traditions, especially the mainlines, still recite that part of the Nicene Creed that says "We believe in the holy, catholic and apostolic church", affirming their connection to this ancient apostolic tradition.

Before there was a Holy, Roman Catholic and Apostolic Church there was the Catholic church. Catholicism predates Roman Catholicism.

This may be hard to believe for those of you who see Roman Catholicism as the One True Church that Christ instituted, as I used to.

Why leave Roman Catholicism?
There are many things why I'm contemplating the move. One reason is that, theologically and ideologically, I'm not perfectly lined up with Roman Catholic doctrines and ideologies. I'm sure that if someone went all medieval on me and put me through an inquisition, I will fail the requirements to be considered a "true" Roman Catholic.

Another reason is what seems to me the arrogance from the Roman Catholic church to still call and consider itself the "One True Church of Christ", and seeing all churches as imperfect members of the Body of Christ.

They get to dictate who is in or out. They get to say to heaven "this is so" and expect heaven to simply follow suit (and yes, I know the keys of heaven, the tie and untie verses they base this on), with little consideration of how the God of Heaven thinks of the situation.

They get to declare protestants ordained orders, even Anglican Holy Orders, as "null and void" because they didn't follow the "form and matter". or simply said, they didn't follow the ordination rites with  the same words they do, ignoring the fact that the apostles themselves never ordained people to the ministry the way Roman Catholics do, and yet they dare to say that their Eucharist is not really the body of Christ, as if they really knew this.

Do they really think that God is up in heaven thinking, "oh...wait, you didn't say the right words exactly as the Romans Catholics do to ordain this Bishop, sorry no ordination grace to you buddy"?

Can the distribution of Grace be given by God so arbitrarily? We are ministers of His Grace, not the owners of it, with the authority to say who God gives it to or not.

They get to close communion to those who believe in Christ, and yet not in everything the institutional Roman Catholic church says we must, making belief in the institution more important than belief in Christ.

They deny women to the ordained ministry, even to the diaconate, despite the early church's practice of it, and the biblical mention of deaconesses, and they starting doing so by saying that women "are imperfect members of the body" and inherently more sinful than men.

They also say that since women were not present at the institution of the Eucharist, they cannot preside over it. Only men were there, therefore, only men can preside over the Eucharist.

First, there is scholarly debate about this, some saying that women could, and most likely were present at the Last Supper.

But even if they didn't, following this logic leads to dangerous places. First, only Jews could preside over the Eucharist, since only Jews were present at the institution of the first Eucharist.

Second, only men could partake of the Eucharist, if not, how could you justify the dividing of the command to "take and eat" from "do this in remembrance of me"? Jesus made no distinction between both of these commands. Where, therefore, do we get the authority to say that women can eat the Body of Christ, and so obey Christ's command to "take and eat" but not to preside over the Eucharist, so they cannot follow the other command to "do this in remembrance of me"?

If we really followed this logic then only Jews could preside over the Eucharist, and only men could partake of it, since only Jewish men were present at the institution of the Eucharist.

There are many reasons more, but these suffice.

Why Anglicanism?
Anglicanism is a stream of Catholicism that cherish both Catholic traditions and protestants traditions. From my understanding of it, they don't consider themselves "the one true Church" but simply a part of the Catholic Church.

They celebrate both Catholic and protestant saints. In fact, they celebrated Archbishop Romero years before the Roman Catholic Church decided he was a martyr after all.

They would not frown upon my love of protestant authors and music, as I find many Roman Catholics do when I tell them about it.

Did I ever tell you about the time I was leading a choir for the youth group in my local Roman Catholic parish, and was told not to sing "Christian" songs anymore, but only "Catholic" songs? We sang some Christian songs because those were the youth's favorites!

Anglicanism also leaves me room to breathe theologically, without the demand made on me that I agree perfectly with all their traditions in order to be in.

Anglicanism allows for the ordination of women as well.

Why haven't I made the move yet then?
This is not an easy decision, and not one that I should make hastily. Sometimes I worry about the future of Anglicanism, worrying how long they can stay together with all their differing views.

Also, sometimes I feel like I'm betraying my faith and my community. Just writing this post makes me feel like a traitor.

This is not the time for me to make this decision in my life, as I'm getting ready to get married. This is just not my decision anymore. It will be my future wife's decision and mine.

Also, Pope Francis is just amazing. I never been prouder of my Pope. This seems like the worst possible time to leave. Can I still follow the Pope and not be Roman Catholic? I think so, but I'm still uneasy about it.

And so I am, in what it seems to be a long state of limbo. My mind and spirit is urging me to make a decision, to find a place to land after all these wanderings. I yearn to make a decision. And yet I must wait.

I am not to make a decision like this without prayer, and without the Lord's approval. Please keep praying for me.