The Pain of Rejection

The pain of rejection is unavoidable.

We all must feel its merciless pangs. We all carry around a deep desire to be desired, to be wanted, to fit in. And yet, at too many points in our lives, this deep desire is not only ignored, but directly attacked.

Rejection seems to be a natural state of our lives. The opportunities for rejection abound in our world. And yet, we try to run away from rejection, like the hopeless hunter running away from the cheetah.

And we can't run away forever. Eventually rejection will catch up to us. One day or another, we will have to deal with the painful encounter between our desires to be "in" and the unforgiving reality of a rejecting world.

Where Do I Fit In?

I find myself caught in that strange, disorienting and painful intersection of rejection. I don't know how I ended up here again, after many years of trying to avoid this part of town.

I have worked on myself. I have put in the hours. I have tried to be faithful. I have tried to be useful. I have tried many desperate right turns in the hopes of avoiding this old neighborhood of rejection.

In the end, I ended up where I started. Saturated with the gnawing sensation that, maybe, I just don't fit it in anywhere.

We are not sure if you are the right fit...

How many times have you heard these words?

I heard these words a lot recently. I've heard them at my job , where I was recently transitioned out because I was not "the right fit" (no worries, I still have a job with a different organization).

I've heard it in ministry so many times, that I'm starting to believe that maybe God is not calling me to the ministry. 

One of the few times I've not heard this? When I was working in a gas station as a cashier for many years, where my most valuable gifts were mostly underutilized.

And maybe, we all go through this situation in our lives.

I feel upset at God. I feel that He's been leading me in the work that I'm doing, and yet it seems like He's leading in places where I don't seem to fit.

Or maybe I do fit conceptually, but because of poor character or some other mysterious force, I don't fit practically.

I feel lost in my discernment. I honestly don't know what to do. I feel called to something, and whenever I try to follow where I believe God is leading me, I end up in this old intersection of rejection. It feels like He is constantly leading me to a place of rejection.

Where do I fit in God?  I asked in prayer. It is hard to keep hope that maybe, there is a place for me; a place where my gifts are welcomed and cherished, a place where I'm welcomed, especially when I fall short. A place where I don't always have to bring my A game.

A place of community.

Where do I fit in God?... With me,  I hear Him say, you fit in My Kingdom.

And maybe that's all I need for now.

Have you ever felt this way, like a perpetual misfit? What do you do when you feel you've been rejected too many times? How do you deal with rejection? Please share in the comments below.

What to Do When You Feel Like a Failure?

As I'm starting to write this blog, I am aware of the sulkish or self-pity-poor-me feelings it might elicit in some readers. While sulking and throwing childish tantrums of self pity are certainly not recommended, the fact remains that from time to time, we all have felt like failures.

To be human is to fail. It is no wonder that we feel like failures from time to time!

So instead of feeling guilty and immature about this, I think the healthier response is to ask the question, "what to do when you feel like a failure?"

Recent events in my life and ministry left me feeling like a failure. I have been wrestling with the question of my vocation, my gifts, and how to better utilize them. All this wrestling has left in me a bitter aftertaste, a feeling of being a misfit, a feeling of failure.

In the midst of this grieving confusion, my only peace comes with God. He is the only one I can turn to in these times, the only one where I feel comfortable being completely open and vulnerable, and still have not a single part of me rejected, but accepted and loved. I have felt my calling and my gifts reaffirmed.

So What Can We do When We feel Like This?
I believe there are two things we can do whenever we feel like failures.

The first is to turn to God and be as open and vulnerable as you can be. Cry out to Him. Share every single one of your feelings, however unholy they may seem. Confess all your failings and feelings of unworthiness. After you empty yourself in this way, don't be surprised if you find grace, love and acceptance.

We know this, but experiencing radical acceptance and love by the most Perfect, Holy of holies is nothing short of transformative. You find much more than just acceptance however. You find your identity. And with identity comes confidence.

When you are able to find your confidence in Him then, what else can shake you? Accomplishments come and go. They are praised today and forgotten tomorrow. Your identity with Christ is eternal and unshakable, and nothing can or will separate you from His love.

When one is in Christ, failure is not even in the equation.

The second is to shift your attention from accomplishments to faithfulness. In our western society, productivity and goals are king and queen. We carry accomplishments after our names. We are so and so followed by "PhD" or Doctor or Rev. whatever. When we are asked who we are we respond with a job title.

We are writers. We are authors. We are painters. We are ministers. We are organizers. We are directors. We are leaders. We are janitors. We are workers. We are students. Whatever it is, our accomplishments are attached to our names.

It is not surprising that we feel like failures in moments when we lack accomplishments!

What I am trying to focus during this time of my life is in being faithful in the little things. When I'm focused on the big picture goal of accomplishing great things for God my attention is diverted from the small things He has trusted me with.

The tiniest of things, the day to day life things, these are ignored because they seem insignificant when you look at the big picture. Great paintings, however, are not painted in one, huge, single and masterful brushstroke. They are accompanied by tiny, and sometimes invisible little strokes of the brush.

One of my favorite quotes from Mother Theresa is her assertion that "God calls us not to be successful but to be faithful"

Whenever we feel like failures, pay attention to whatever God has entrusted you right now, however insignificant, however small.

Focus on that, and do it with great love. Do it with love not because you love it. Do it with love because it is what God has entrusted you with.

Here lies the secret of holiness: be faithful in the small things God has entrusted you with. Every action is a calling. Every small act an offering. Do the small things with great love, and the rest will follow.